hell yes lets make some ravioli
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
