I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this is an emotional support booty call
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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