apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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