I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
