so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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