I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
