Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am spending my child support on dildos
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
vagina is talking i cant
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize