All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
