At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
