I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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