I bet he comes in French.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
