It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
