The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
