He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
