I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i drank out of a bidet.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
