Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Panties = found
Randomize
