Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
