normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
