I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
