I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
