4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
