Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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