Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just tell him i said nine months
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
