New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
