Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There r osticjed everywhere
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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