First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
