so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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