I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
