That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
