handjob tips. give me some.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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