Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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