Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
