I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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