On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
