Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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