wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
