I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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