Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
