I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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