Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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