the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
smell my finger.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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