He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
