That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
