Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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