Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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