it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
