My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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