make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
