thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
