It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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