Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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