We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
