I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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