Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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