I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
