i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
