I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
