If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
