Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
