Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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