im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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