He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
