and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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