Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
