Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
