I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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