just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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