I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
