I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
