Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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