You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
