you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
