i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I supernannyed him into submission
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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