Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
