His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
