I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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