I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
