You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
