I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
