I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
