ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
