im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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