I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
